英語(yǔ)幽默

知識(shí)點(diǎn)：《英語(yǔ)幽默》 收集：云托閃 編輯：桃花姐
本知識(shí)點(diǎn)包括：1、英語(yǔ)幽默搞笑短文 2、非常簡(jiǎn)短的英語(yǔ)幽默故事 3、英語(yǔ)搞笑短文帶翻譯 4、英文短笑話 5、你想夸別人真幽默時(shí),英語(yǔ)應(yīng)該怎么說(shuō) 。

《英語(yǔ)幽默》相關(guān)知識(shí)

1)TOM'S EXCUSE

Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?

Tom:Every time I come to the corner,a sign says,"School-Go

Slow".

湯姆的借口

老師：湯姆,您為什么每天上學(xué)遲到?

湯姆：我每次路過(guò)拐角,一個(gè)路標(biāo)上面寫著："學(xué)校----慢行."

2)

A man goes to church and starts talking to God.He says:"God,what is a million dollars to you?" and God says:"A penny",then the man says:"God,what is a million years to you?" and God says:"a second",then the man says:"God,can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second"

一男子進(jìn)入教堂和上帝對(duì)話.他問(wèn):"主啊,一百萬(wàn)美元對(duì)你意味著多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又問(wèn):"那一百萬(wàn)年呢?"上帝說(shuō):"一秒鐘."最后男子請(qǐng)求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士嗎?"上帝回答:"過(guò)一秒鐘."

3))Mother sent Tommy to the store across the street to buy a good box of matches.When Tommy came back,mother asked him,”Did you buy a good box of matches?”

“Yes,Mum.”Tommy replied,”I have tried them all.”

一盒小火柴

媽媽讓湯米去馬路對(duì)面的商店里買一盒好用的火柴.湯米回來(lái)后,媽媽問(wèn)他,“你買的是好用的火柴嗎?”

“是的,媽媽.”湯米回答,“我把它們都試過(guò)了.”

知識(shí)拓展：

1： 【英語(yǔ)幽默故事一則[短的]】

知識(shí)要點(diǎn)歸納：

One day a Wolf,who was eating his dinner much too fast,swallowed a bone,which stuck in his throat and pained him very much.He tried to get it out,but could not.

Just then he saw a Crane passing by.“Dear fiend,” said he to the Crane,“ there is a bone sticking in my throat.You have a good long neck; can't you reach down and pull it out?I will pay you well for it.” “I'll try,” said the Crane.Then he put his head into the Wolf’s mouth,between his sharp teeth,and reaching down,pulled out bone.“There!” said the Wolf,“I am glad it is out; I must be more careful another time.” “I will go now,if you will pay me,” said the Crane.

“Pay you,indeed!” cried the Wolf.“Be thankful that I did not bite your head off when it was in my mouth.You ought to be content with that.”

2： 短篇英語(yǔ)幽默故事要四五句那種,初一的能看懂·····（跪求）帶翻譯

知識(shí)要點(diǎn)歸納：

“Make sure you wash your hands before your piano lesson,” I reminded my eight-year-old son."They're probably dirty from soccer practice."

"Don't have to,Mom," he reassured me."Today I'm practicing in E Flat Minor.They're black keys."

3： 【求英語(yǔ)幽默故事有中文有英語(yǔ),100—200個(gè)單詞,不要太短,最好能說(shuō)明一個(gè)道理】

知識(shí)要點(diǎn)歸納：

1.Whose Son Is the Greatest

The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons."My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman."When he enters a room,people say,'Hello,Monsignor'."

The second mother went on,"My son is a bishop.When he enters a room,people say,'Hello,Your Excellency'."

"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one."When he enters a room,people say,'Hello,Your Eminence'.

" The fourth mother thought for a moment."My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds," she said."When he enters a room,people say,'Oh,my God'!"

誰(shuí)的兒子最偉大

四位牧師的母親聚到一起談?wù)撍齻兊膬鹤?“我的兒子是個(gè)教士,”第一位母親自豪地說(shuō)道,“他進(jìn)入房間,人們都說(shuō),閣下’.”

第二為母親說(shuō)：“我的兒子是位主教.他進(jìn)入房間,人們都稱,大人’.”

“我的兒子是位紅衣主教,”第三位母親接著說(shuō),“他走進(jìn)房間,人們都說(shuō),尊敬的主教大人’.”

第四位母親略思片刻.“我的兒子身高六英尺十,體重三百磅,”她說(shuō),“他要是走入房間,人們都說(shuō)‘哦,我的上帝’!”

2.A Holiday from School

Tommy hated school and was always looking for excuses not to go.

If he sneezed,he asked his mother to write a note saying he had a cold.

If he had a headache,he asked his mother to take him to the doctor during school hours.

He spent more time at home than he did at school.

On the days that he did go to school,he looked for excuses to come home early.

One morning he came home when the lessons were only half finished.

His father was surprised.

"You've come home early," he said."Is the school closed today?"

"No,Dad," Tommy said - "It's open.I came home early.

"How did you do that?" his father asked him."What did you say to the teacher?"

"I told her that I had a new baby brother and that I had to come home and help you ."

"But your mother has had twins," his father said,"a boy and a girl.You've got a baby brother and a baby sister."

"Yes,I know,Dad," Tommy said."I'm saving up my baby sister for next week "

湯姆討厭上學(xué),總是找借口不去上學(xué).

如果他打噴嚏,他就叫他媽媽寫個(gè)紙條說(shuō)他感冒了.

如果他頭痛,他就叫他媽媽在上課時(shí)間帶他去看病.

他呆在家里的時(shí)間比在學(xué)校的時(shí)間要多.

在他的確去上學(xué)的日子里,他就找借口早點(diǎn)回家.

一天早上他上了一半課就從學(xué)校回來(lái)了.

他爸爸很驚訝.

“你回來(lái)很早,”他爸爸問(wèn),“今天學(xué)校放學(xué)了嗎?”

“沒(méi)有,爸爸,”湯姆說(shuō),“還沒(méi)放學(xué).我提前回來(lái)了.”

“你怎么會(huì)提前回來(lái)了?”爸爸問(wèn),“你對(duì)老師說(shuō)什么了?”

“我告訴她我有了一個(gè)小弟弟,我得回家?guī)湍?”

“但是你媽媽生了一對(duì)雙胞胎,”爸爸說(shuō),“一個(gè)男孩,一個(gè)女孩.你有一個(gè)小弟弟和一個(gè)小妹妹.”

“是的,我知道,爸爸,”湯姆說(shuō),“我要等下個(gè)星期再說(shuō)我有個(gè)小妹妹了.”

4： 【給我一個(gè)英語(yǔ)幽默小對(duì)話(初一)只要兩個(gè)人】

知識(shí)要點(diǎn)歸納：

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads,see how the farms looked,and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living.The city man saw a farmer in his yard,holding a pig up in his hands,and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree.The city man said to the farmer,"I see that your pig likes apples,but isn't that quite a waste of time?"The farmer replied,"What's time to a pig?"

一天,有一個(gè)城市里的游客來(lái)到一個(gè)小鄉(xiāng)村,在鄉(xiāng)間路上開(kāi)著車,想看看農(nóng)莊是什么樣子,也想看看農(nóng)夫怎樣種田過(guò)日子.這位城里人看見(jiàn)一位農(nóng)夫在宅后的草地上,手中抱著一頭豬,并把它舉得高高的,好讓它能夠吃到樹(shù)上的蘋果.城里人對(duì)農(nóng)夫說(shuō),"我看你的豬挺喜歡吃蘋果的,但是,這不是很浪費(fèi)時(shí)間嗎?"那位農(nóng)夫回答說(shuō),"時(shí)間對(duì)豬有什么意義?"

One girl went to the preacher and confessed her sin.

Girl:Father,I have sinned.

Preacher:What did you do,little girl?

Girl:Yesterday,I called a man a son of a Bitch.

Preacher:Why?What did he do to you?

Girl:He touched my breast.

Preacher:You mean like this?(The guy did it.)

Girl:(A little shy from the touch) Yes.

Preacher:That's no reason to call him that.

Girl:But he also took off my cloth.

Preacher:You mean like this?(He did it again.)

Girl:Yes,that's what he did.

Preacher:That's still no reason to call him that.

Girl:And he put his you-know-what into my you-know-what...

Preacher:(evil laugh...) You mean like this?(And you-know-what)

Girl:(After a few minutes...) Ugh...Yeah,that's what he did...

Preacher:My dear girl,that's still no reason to call him a...

Girl:But he had AIDS!

Preacher:THAT SON OF A BITCH!

Where is the father?

Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.

"Look," said the elder brother."How nice these paintings are!"

"Yes," said the younger,"but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children.Where is the father?"

The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained,"Obviously he was painting the pictures."

父親在哪兒?

兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫.

“看,”哥哥說(shuō),“這些畫多漂亮呀!”

“是啊,”弟弟說(shuō)道,“可是在所有這些畫中,只有媽媽和孩子.那爸爸去哪兒了呢?”

哥哥想了會(huì)兒,然后解釋道：“很明顯,他當(dāng)時(shí)正在畫這些畫唄.”

The poor husband

"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend."She asks me a question,then answers it herself,and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.

可憐的丈夫

“你根本無(wú)法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的難,”一個(gè)男人對(duì)他的朋友訴苦說(shuō),“她問(wèn)我一個(gè)問(wèn)題,然后自己回答了,過(guò)后又花半個(gè)小時(shí)跟我解釋為什么我的答案是錯(cuò)的.”

Does the dog know the proverb,too?

The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman,"don't be afraid.Don't you know the proverb:Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah,yes," answered the little boy."I know the proverb,but does the dog know the proverb,too?"

狗也知道這個(gè)諺語(yǔ)嗎?

一個(gè)小男孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子.

“沒(méi)有關(guān)系,”一位先生說(shuō),“不用害怕,你知道這條諺語(yǔ)嗎：‘吠狗不咬人.’”

“啊,我是知道,可是狗也知道嗎?”

5： 急求英語(yǔ)幽默小故事1-2分鐘有翻譯

知識(shí)要點(diǎn)歸納：

Speeding

A speeding motorist was waved down by a police patrol car.“I'm going to give you a ticket for speeding,” said the policeman,writing his note.“You've been driving over 60 miles per hour.”

“Would you mind making it 100,officer?” was the reply.“You see,I'm going to sell the car.”

超速行駛

一名超速行駛的駕駛員被巡邏警車攔住后,警察一邊做記錄,一邊說(shuō)：“我要給你開(kāi)一張超速罰單,因?yàn)槟銊偛诺能囁僖呀?jīng)超過(guò)了60英里.”

“警官,請(qǐng)你把時(shí)速寫為100英里好嗎?你知道,我正要打算賣這輛車.”

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